Complaining can make you feel worse

How often do you justify your complaining as "something you needed to get off your chest"? How often have you actually felt that the incessant griping actually made you feel worse instead of better?

I know that feeling very well! I even get sleepless nights because I would replay whatever caused me the angst in my mind.

Voicing your frustrations is a natural way of dealing with them — but watch out for when a conversation dissolves into a bitch session. Talking your problems to death can make you feel even worse.

A recent study found that teenage girls who vented to each other about their problems, from boy trouble to social slights, were more likely to develop depression and anxiety — and the same is likely true for adult women, says Amanda Rose, the author of the study.

“There’s a definite belief in our culture that talking about our problems makes you feel better,” says Rose, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Missouri, Columbia, whose research was published in the July issue of Developmental Psychology. “That’s true in moderation. ... It only becomes risky when it becomes excessive.”

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Still, there’s an upside to all that complaining. Rose points out that in her findings, the girls who vented to each other also reported feeling closer to their friends. It can establish an instant bond because the listeners know the complainer trusts them enough to spill their emotions — and the complainer’s just grateful that someone is willing to listen.